My Messed Up Life and My Failed Suicide Attempt!
by Southern AnnaBelle
Summary: Adopted by: TequilaChica
1. One year and my suicide and apologys!

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of the songs in this story……. Unfortunately! *sighs* enjoy while I hassle Stephanie for ownership of Twilight *grabs rope, duck tape, and a chair and puts it in a basement with all torture things are.* Wait your not supposed to know or see in Alice's case what I'm planning go and read the story already damn it!**

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**The Messed up thing I call my life which is for Eternity!**

**Chapter 1: How much my happened after he left and my suicide!**

**It's been one year since he left me, and in that time a lot has happened. One I had my heart ripped out, two I got a record deal, three I found out I had cancer, four I committed suicide by shooting myself in the chest, five Charlie had a heart attack induced by him finding out I killed myself, and six I was found and changed by Victoria. So my life is just perfect! How's yours? One year ago my boyfriend who happens to be a vampire, left me for the most stupidest reason on earth. Jasper one of his brothers, took a snap at me cause I got a paper cut but yet even thought he knew I didn't blame Jasper because it wasn't his fault cause he has the most trouble controlling his bloodlust. All I did was ruin lives, everybody whom I knew lives have been tainted by my existence. The day they left I went back to the house and drove to a pawn shop and bought a guitar and lessons and I was a natural at it and I started composing. The day I was changed I was on the verge of insanity and was so consumed by the pain that I wanted to end it and I was by using one word…suicide. The day before I went to see my sun who was helping me heal. He goes by the name of Jacob Black. I had been hanging out with him for months and I was actually having a good time, but something was wrong when . **

**-Flashback-**

_**I was in my truck and on my way to La Push to go see my friend Jacob. When I got there he must of heard my truck. It was raining that day. Jacob was walking out of his house with a serious face on and he had shorts on but no shirt, he also had cut his hair to where it was really short. I ran up to him and I felt myself smiling. When I looked at his face the smile left my face.**_

"_**What's wrong Jake?" I asked concerned. **_

_**He kept walking ignoring me so I ran after him and grabbed his arm and pulled him back and he faced me.**_

"_**Hey What the hell Jake?" I said quite angry.**_

"_**Bella What are you doing here?" he said just as angry.**_

"_**Why did you ignore me?" I asked.**_

"_**Bella I can't see you anymore." he said to me.**_

_**I was taken a back and then I heard a voice. **_

"_**Hey Jake you coming?" it said. It was a males.**_

_**I looked to were it was coming from. It was Sam Uley a man who lived on the rez.**_

"_**Jake….what I thought that you didn't like Sam and now your hanging out with him? What did he do to you?" I said pissed.**_

"_**Stop blaming Sam he didn't do anything all he is doing is helping me. If you want blame someone blame those bloodsuckers you love so much." he said quite livid.**_

"_**I don't know who your talking about! Tell me who your talking about." I said with some of my confidence taken away when he said 'bloodsuckers you love so much'**_

"_**The Cullen's" when he put the enfacence on the word Cullen I automatically grabbed my sides trying to hold myself together.**_

"_**Jake….please don't do this I…..it'll kill me if you leave me too!" I said to him tears welling up in my eyes.**_

"_**I'm sorry Bella" He said and walked to his friends and I just stared at him leaving my life and me behind.**_

_**It started raining and I knew I was crying and I was getting wet so I did all I could……………… I ran for it. I ran to my truck and floored it to the cliff. When I got there I took out my guitar and sat on a boulder and started plucking at some chords. After doing that for a while I started singing with the melody.**_

_**My Tourniquet by Bella Swan **_

_**(A/N: Really by Evanescence) **_

_**I tried to kill the painbut only brought moreso much moreI lay dyingand I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayalI'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingam I too lost to be savedam I too lost?**_

_**my God my tourniquetreturn to me salvationmy God my tourniquetreturn to me salvation**_

_**do you remember melost for so longwill you be on the other sideor will you forget meI'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingam I too lost to be savedam I too lost?**_

_**my God my tourniquetreturn to me salvationmy God my tourniquetreturn to me salvation**_

_**(return to me salvation)**_

_**(I want to die!!!)**_

_**my God my tourniquetreturn to me salvationmy God my tourniquetreturn to me salvation**_

_**my wounds cry for the gravemy soul cries for deliverancewill I be denied Christtourniquetmy suicide **_

**And I planned my suicide**

***eerie music***

**I had grabbed my fathers gun and went to my meadow but it was dead. I didn't care. I went to the middle sat down and looked down at the gun for the longest time and would put it to my head but I kept putting it down and I just couldn't do it, but I sucked it up look at the sky and said my final words…**

"**I'll miss you Jacob and Dad and I love you Edward." I said and my hand was shaking but I didn't care I lightly started to squeeze the trigger. I was about finished when I moved the gun to my chest, not where my heart is but on the opposite side and that's when I heard the loud '**_**BANG**_**' but I never felt the pain come that I was hoping to feel so much. When I shot the gun it sent me sailing backwards and I was now lying on the ground. I just laid there waiting for death to come and take me. After a few moments I heard the light sound of someone running through the forest. Then I heard them come through the opening in the brush, but I didn't look I really didn't care who it was. All of a sudden I heard a ear shattering shriek of "**_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOO". **_**It was a familiar male's voice. They started to run towards me and they started sobbing and they fell on their knees and they picked me up and faced me towards them. It was my Jake.**

"**Jake?" I said in the hoarseness of my voice. I started coughing. When I coughed blood came from my mouth.**

"**No! No! No! No! Why?……B…. Bella Why?" he asked still crying.**

"**I couldn't take the pain any longer Jake. Jake don't take me to a hospital I…..I want to die. I can't go back to the pain I'm so so so so sorry but Jake I don't want to say this but what really drove me over the edge was what you said yesterday." I say and my lungs were starting to fail me and my breathing became horse as well. **

"**Oh my god……….. No! No Bella Fight it come back to me Please don't leave me! Please!….." He started to cry harder. I knew I had only a few more breaths in me so I used it to say this.**

"**I'm sorry Jake. I l…love.….you take care of Charlie for me and I want to be buried in my meadow and tell Charlie I'm sorry and that I love him with all my heart and if you ever see Edward again please…..please give him this for me I love you." with a shaky hand I gave him the note I wrote for Edward in his hand and folded them around it. With that I started hacking and then I took my last breath. I saw black but I knew I wasn't dead. So I started listening. About an hour after Jake left I heard someone running through the forest and they were barley audible but I heard them.**

"**Well, Well, Well Who do we have here?" said a female voice that I would and could never forget……**_**Victoria. **_**She finally came for me but was too late I was already dieing.**

**I felt her grab my face and face it towards her. When she did and saw my face and it was me she gasped.**

"**Bella Swan?" she managed to choke out.**

**I then heard to my astonishment her……dry sobbing?**

**Wait……What?**

"**Oh Bella I am so sorry I blamed you for what happened with James. I came in this area to apologize for my behavior but it turned out he was using me. I am so sorry." she said with staggering breaths. She was quite for a few moments and then I heard her gasp.**

"**Bella. Open your eyes. Your not dead." she whispered.**

**I then let my eyes flutter open.**

"**W…What?" I said.**

"**Shh! It's ok. Who did this to you? I swear I will kill them." she growled.**

"**Victoria I did this to me. I shot myself. On purpose!" I told her.**

**Her head swerved to look at me and she leaned over me to look into my eyes.**

"**W….Why would you do that?" she asked.**

**I didn't have to answer all she had to do was look into my eyes and know what caused me to take such drastic measures. **

"**That Bastard" she growled out.**

**I could feel I was slipping away. She knew too.**

**Just as I was about to take my true final breath, I felt something cutting my skin but it was a numbing Novocain kind of feeling. After that all I felt was…………….**

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**Cliffhanger!**

**Happy new year it's officially ****2010 ****and it's 1:29 a.m. where I live. So I hope you enjoy this story.**

**Read**

**Review**

**Tell your friends**

**I don't care.**

**Sorry it's so short but I have worked on this since like 3:30 but I did lots of other things so this is 6 pgs.!**


	2. What happened to make a vamp pass out!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the songs used in this story!**

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**Hey every one I just want to say that I was shocked and overwhelmed to see that in one day I had 5 reviews on this story so that I was really happy about. So I'd like to thank these authors who reviewed: spirtgirl101, xxcharlie93xx, GuitarGal421, AngelzFromHell, teamedward1992, thank you all for the reviews and I just got to say that getting your 5 reviews a day after posting gave me the hope so to continue writing faster. I have never got that many reviews in 2 days so I thank you. Ok another issue, I know I don't update often enough but I think that isn't going to change what with school, and friends, and homework, and all that school crap! LOL. So I will try my hardest but I don't think that's going to change plus guys do me a favor and please tell me if there is any spelling mistakes or grammar cause I am really big on being right with that stuff. So I think I've rambled enough here is the chapter…**

**Plus I thought I would let you know that I will be Co-Writing 'Revenge is my favorite word' with AngelzFromHell!!!!!**

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**Bella's POV:**

_**Recap…**_

"**Victoria I did this to me. I shot myself. On purpose!" I told her.**

**Her head swerved to look at me and she leaned over me to look into my eyes.**

"**W….Why would you do that?" she asked.**

**I didn't have to answer all she had to do was look into my eyes and know what caused me to take such drastic measures. **

"**That Bastard" she growled out.**

**I could feel I was slipping away. She knew too.**

**Just as I was about to take my true final breath, I felt something cutting my skin but it was a numbing Novocain kind of feeling. After that all I felt was…………….**

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**After that all I felt was the wind rushing through my hair. I then knew what the burning was and I was distraught at the fact that I was going to have to live with the pain I'm enduring for ever till I'm killed and I had shot myself to stop the pain I didn't want to feel like this anymore and so I was confused also on another note. Why didn't I feel like a fire was coursing through my vains but I didn't care cause I didn't want this anymore. I couldn't stand the pain anymore. I was going to rip Victoria a new one when I got the chance. Oh, she was going to get it. I was wondering if I had to lay here for the next three days doing nothing and being so bored but since I didn't feel anything of the pain of the fire going through me. Victoria had found a house and was living in it and she was with Laurent and for some reason I knew I could trust her. She went inside the house and set me on a bed in a bedroom on the first floor the thing is they didn't know I barley felt any pain of the venom. I decided to lay there and stay out like a good little girl. All of a sudden Victoria came in and she started talking and she stopped and looked at my face. I felt a little dizzy at the moment also. **

"**Bella? Are you ok?" she asked concerned.**

**All I heard was her scream Bella and then I passed out.**

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***$_$***

**I had finally woken up from the numbness. I could hear everything clearly now. **

"**Bella… Bella please open up your eyes to show your brother and sister that your alright." Victoria said softly to me.**

**I then opened my eyes and I could see everything so clearly. When I heard a gasp I turned my head to the side to where the gasp came from. It was Laurent.**

"**What is it big bro?" I asked.**

"**Well Bella…First of all do you know how long you were out?" He asked.**

"**Well wasn't I out for 3 days?" I said with a small giggle escaping my lips.**

"**Well… No Bella you were out for around 10 days not 3!" he said quite embarrassed.**

"**Laurent, Hon you don't have to be embarrassed while I'm around." I told him giggling.**

"**How did you know I was embarrassed?" He asked me quite confused.**

"**I don't know I think it's my power." I said confused also with this knowledge.**

"_**Wow she is quite powerful I can sense it" Laurent said.**_

"**Well Thank you Laurent." I said quite taken aback.**

"**Well your welcome but what exactly are you talking about I didn't say anything" he stated to me.**

**I was lost in thought for awhile and I was thinking of what was going on. I don't know how long it took me to figure it out on what was going on. When I figured it out I squealed with delight and started to jump up and down clapping my hands and when I did that both my sis and bro ran up thinking something was happening or something,**

"**Bella what is it?" Asked Vikki.**

"**Well I've figured out what's going on." I said quite excited. **

"**well………..?" they said in unison which I thought was quite creepy.**

"**I. Have. More. Than. One. Power." I squealed out.**

**I swear when I said that both their jaws dropped. I burst out laughing at their expressions. **

"**WHAT?! HOW?! WHAT ARE THEY?!" they said together again. O……k this is not freaky at all Bella…….. Wait! Am I talking to myself? Great! Nice job Bella now your mentally insane. Just Great! Hey I never noticed but Great rhymes with…….Jake?**

**I heard a sob rack through my chest and it felt like my chest was caving in on me and I crumpled to the ground. I heard a scream then and I was being picked up…………..**

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**There you go its done took me 15 minutes to find it (IF YOU VALUE YOUR SANITY YOU WILL NOT ASK!!!!)**

**Peace out!**

**-Insane-Southerner-16**


	3. Family Pains

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Previously on My Messed Up Life & Failed Suicide Attempt…..

"WHAT?! HOW?! WHAT ARE THEY?!" they said together again. O……k this is not freaky at all Bella…….. Wait! Am I talking to myself? Great! Nice job Bella now your mentally insane. Just Great! Hey I never noticed but Great rhymes with…….Jake?

I heard a sob rack through my chest and it felt like my chest was caving in on me and I crumpled to the ground. I heard a scream then and I was being picked up…………..

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Present:

I then heard a scream and I was being picked up and set on a bed. I didn't care who was in the room, I just curled up into a ball and cried with everything I had. I had taken myself away from Jacob and my father because I could only think of myself and my pain and not what my actions would bring to others. I don't know how long I cried but I there was so much to cry for in my life that I couldn't even name or form into words because I was dying at the age of 18 and I was going through so much more pain then just from the cancer; my life was just falling apart and hanging by a single thread. It all was so hard, why does all this bad stuff happen to me? Why did I have to hurt him, god I am so stupid. I just laid there and didn't move a single inch. It was like I was comatose again. I then forced myself to get up I grabbed my guitar and started playing.

Sweet Sacrifice- Bella Swan

(Really Evanescence)

It's true, we're all a little it's so clear,Now that I'm is only in our minds,Taking over all the is only in our minds but it's taking over all the poor sweet innocent your eyes and know you live to break me. Don't day I'm gonna forget your name,And one sweet day, you're gonna drown in my lost is only in our minds,Taking over all the is only in our minds but it's taking over all the poor sweet innocent your eyes and oh you love to hate me don't you, honey?I'm your sacrifice.(I dream in darknessI sleep to die,Raze the silence,Erase my life,Our burning ashesBlacken the day,A world of nothingness,Blow me away.)So you wonder why you hate?Are you still too weak to survive your mistakes?You poor sweet innocent your eyes and know you live to break 't sacrifice.

It described me and my life so much. I kept playing with all I had…

Lacrymosa By Bella Swan

(Really Evanescence)

Out on your owncold and alone againcan this be what you really wanted, baby

(Lacrymosa)blame it on me(Dies Illa)

set your guilt free

(Lacrymosa)nothing can hold you back nowNow that your gone i feel like myself againgrieving the things i cant repair and willing

(Lacrymosa)to let you blame it on me

(Dies Illa)and set your guilt free

(Lacrymosa)i don't want to hold you back now, loveI cant change who i amnot this timei wont lie to keep you near meand in this short life theres no time to waist on giving upmy love wasn't enough

(Lacrymosa)And you can blame it on me(Dies Illa)

just set your guilt free, honey

(Lacrymosa)i don't want to hold you back now, love

That song was filled with such passion and meaning that I just kept going and going and by the time I stopped it had been a weeks time. I put the guitar up and left the room I was in and went hunting. When I got back Laurent and Vicky were sitting waiting for me.

"Guys please? I don't want to talk about it." I said.

"No, Bella! Your going to talk about it and you'll do it now!" Vicky yelled at me. I flinched from her yelling at me. "No Victoria I wont. JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and then I ran, I didn't know where I was headed but I didn't care I ran just to cool off steam. When I was calmed down I went and ran back to where I was. I went inside and sat down with them. "Guys I'm sorry for screaming at you, I was just sad and confused but I was mostly angry and I took it out on you. Please forgive me?" I said.

"Of course Bella if anyone understands your feelings it's me." Victoria said then embraced me with a hug. I hugged her back and now I felt the sense of family I was missing. I knew everything was going to be ok. I knew that I was going to get rid of some of the hurt that I felt. I knew I had someone who understood what I felt. I also knew I could never see anyone who I cared about like Jake, Angela, Charlie, Renee, and Phil, but I knew I could cope with that. So here is the beginning of my messed up life is not so messed up!

(I thought of stopping here but im gonna keep going cause I'm a nice person!)

When I let go of Victoria we all sat there and soaked in the silence. Laurent was the one who broke it. "By the way Bella you have a beautiful singing voice and are quite talented at playing the guitar." "Thank you Laurent that's so sweet of you to say" I whispered in thanks. "I have an idea." Victoria said. "What?" Me and Laurent asked at the same time. "How bout we start a career with music. Me and Bella could sing together and alone and Laurent you could be our manager!" she explained. I thought this over for a second. "I love that idea" I squealed.

"Great then it's settled." she said then went to make some phone calls. I thought of how I was gonna be famous and have a family again and I loved those thoughts.

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There you are folks another story updated. Review and tell me what you think. Good? Bad? Awesome? Horrible? tell me so I know and can update again.

-Insane-Southerner-16


	4. Author's Note!

**Author's Note:**

I know I hate these things too, but I need to put one up. I want to thank everyone who reviewed and added me and my stories to their favorites. Right now I am getting ready to go back to school and I'm also helping someone write a story but they don't want to release it till it is done. I am also going to be writing a few stories with my childhood friend whom I grew up with Caitibug95. It will be a few crossover stories but we are going to do a Harry Potter and Twilight Crossover. We're also doing a Twilight NCIS Crossover. I also want to say that I am deleting a few of my stories cause noone seems interested in them. That's about it and sorry for it being an authors note…PLEASE DON'T KILL ME…KILLING IS BAD KILLING IS NAUGHTY! I'm working on updates too by the way.

Luv Y'all,

Southern AnnaBelle a.k.a Anna


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